walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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