a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
