They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
