As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
