I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
