Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
