I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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