I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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