how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
