Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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