I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
