i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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