That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
