i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
