haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
