Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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