Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
