South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
