I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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