; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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