I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom