ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements