Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?