u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.