Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?