guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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