this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize