Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
