She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
