She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
