maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
