Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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