I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
