If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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