why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
