I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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