Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
