Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
