I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
