3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
