if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
