I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
this just has baby written all over it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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