We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
