I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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