Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and she was petting her beer can
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
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People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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