hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
