You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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