Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
