he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
