Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
