i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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