I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
