She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
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I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
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Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?