Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
stfu you slept on the patio!?!