in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.