ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!