I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
