WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
