I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
