it was like having sex with a tree stump
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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