Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
