He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
