He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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