i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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