You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
