sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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