So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Randomize
