anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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