Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
