And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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