Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
