I'm going to jail i love you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
