it hurts more in the daytime
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
where are my eyebrows?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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